True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
sex in a hospital.. check
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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