Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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