I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
