he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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