So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
