DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
