Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
