Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
