I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
