put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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