Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
