Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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