Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
