There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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