believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
