She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
