i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
