and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The air was thick with penises
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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