mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
