this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
