I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
