Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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