I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
