We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
