Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
