I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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