Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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