Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
