Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
