I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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