I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
