I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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