He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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