Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
