and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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