Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
