apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
