I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize