I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
