He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
