You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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