you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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