peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
