when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
did i just pee glitter
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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