why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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