i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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