There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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