how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
ok first of all what the fuck
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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