He had one of those small greek statue penises
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
