dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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