i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
