he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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