turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize