is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
