You're so nebulous sometimes
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
