woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
