i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
