Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
