can u get pink eye on your cock?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
