im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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