Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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