Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
