I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
