What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
