I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
