I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
