ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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