How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also, beer. Big fan.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize