i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We are two peas in an std pod
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
