The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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