he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
