New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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