How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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