there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
