i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
