I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
