Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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