I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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