On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
