We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Never underestimate the power of titties
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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