East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
