Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
